What is your pebble?

A friend of mine posted this on her facebook page not to long ago and I loved it so much that I thought I would share this. I haven't written in a very long time on this blog just due to time and priorities but I really felt that this was so good that it was worth the time to post this and share it with those that are interested.

There is a lot of true meaning in this excerpt and I believe that EVERYONE could benefit from reading this and then putting it to work in their own life. It has helped me to recognize that things I may be going through or may struggle with from time to time have a deeper root and by digging within myself and putting my pride aside I have learned that the "pebbles" in my life could be keeping me from having the complete and fulfilled life that God wants us all to have. It also helps me to understand the behavior's of other's that sometimes is hard to comprehend. I hope that you will take the time and really read this and it to work in your own life.

An excerpt from The Pebble in the Shoe by Jim Fannin What's your pebble?

Everyone has had a pebble in his or her shoe. You may have one or two now. It's the small, nagging thoughts that eventually weigh you down. Some pebbles have been hidden, undetected for years. Others push, prod, and make their presence felt every day. Each pebble intrudes into the lives of the unsuspecting. At different times in life the pebbles arrive. Although they are small and mostly undetected, they represent many unresolved thoughts, images and experiences. Some are pebbles of doubt. They form from a single thought that occurred years, months or weeks before. Some pebbles are lodged only in your business shoes. Some reside in your house slippers that you tuck under your bed. Some pebbles find their way into your golf shoes while others form in the shoes worn while you parent. Unfortunately, some pebbles travel in all your shoes regardless of where you walk or run. Some pebbles are of fear. Others are created from guilt, rejection or shame. Maybe not today, but they eventually arrive unannounced and usually at the most inappropriate time. What challenges do they present? To run the marathon race of life at your most efficient speed, you must be free of embarrassment, guilt, rejection, fear, envy, jealousy, anger, impatience, frustration and worry. All can be lodged in any shoe, from a pair of loafers worn by a city dweller in Manhattan, to a pair of boots on a farm in Montana. These intangible pebbles are crippling. They destroy relationships. They contribute to overeating and gaining unhealthy weight. They coax us into drugs, alcohol and other addictions. They destroy families and alienate friends. They thwart the potential of our children and physically snuff extra years from our life. These are the pebbles in the shoe. The pebble can cause you to quit or perform with complete indifference. It can help instigate a fight or add disrespectful silence to an otherwise dynamic relationship. Even the desire for fame, fortune or power can turn into a pebble in your shoe if left undetected. Most pebbles stir up the past, cloud the future and keep the present to a blink of the eye. Like a garden that's been freshly tilled, a pebble can reappear without warning or detection. Prevention and removal are your only options for simplicity, balance and abundance.

Growing Pains...being a step-mom

Being a step-mom I believe is one of the most difficult and demanding positions in the step-family. In most cases I believe that it is much easier for a step-dad to be accepted into the family. It is very hard to overcome the stereotype of the Wicked Stepmother because just the term "stepmother" leaves a scary and negative feel behind it. Kids already relate to it in a negative way because of the well-known characters in fairy tales from Cinderella and Snow White. It can be hard for those moms that do not fall into that category and want to do right by their stepchildren.

I believe that depending on the situations there are different challenges. For our family I am a step-mom where dad has joint custody with mom but the child resides with us full-time and mom gets weekend visits and holidays. I also have 2 children of my own from a previous marriage and we have one together. Yes...big family but we love it! I have always been a step-mom who encouraged a relationship between mother and child and I have never tried to take the role of "mother". I am finding out how difficult it can be.

When there is a joint custody situation, step-mom is often expected to do all the things that their mom would do (carting the kids around, cooking, cleaning, doing their laundry, helping with homework, helping financially and on an on), all the while in some cases, working full-time and being an active participant in their life and trying to be a good role model. All with little or no realization as to what is done for them and also receives little or no credit or appreciation. A lot of the times the step-mom will put the children first “no matter what”, denying her needs and feelings to make everything comfortable and easy.I have found myself in this category many times and if you are like me you will find that you bend over backwards to “do for them” and get them to love you. I am finding out that you might wear yourself out with exhaustion, and find resentment building under the surface, which eventually might erupt. Especially when there are frustrations of the other parent not fulfilling their own obligations and responsibility to their child. If you have children of your own then you may come to realize that you are hurting them as well.

In my case, I was determined to have a family that functioned normally where everyone got along..as if we were not a blended family. This is not a perfect world and that is just not going to happen. There is a lot of baggage in a blended family. Its learning how to live with it and move forward.

I am learning that being an evil step-mom is something I do not want to be because I will end up feeling hurt, rejected and angry. I also don't want to be the perfect step-mom who is willing to offer “I’ll do everything for you and give you everything you want”. What does that teach? Also, my other children were not raised that way so why should I change that now?

I am looking at a different approach and praying God will bless it. I want to be courageous and strong. I want to get my hands dirty a bit and even though I will make some (occasionally dirty) mistakes along the way, I want to stop feeling like I am always going backwards instead of forward...I want to start spiraling up from here!

I am learning that the way of being a step-mom requires good communication and honesty – and lots of it. And it must be managed in a positive way. Most importantly, my husband and I must understand the strength we have in our relationship and the importance of putting God in the center, and that those things are the foundation and glue to our blended family.

I want to be a step-mom that is real. Open and honest and who listens to the feelings of others with less "I" statements that come out with undercurrents of attack in them. This is going to take a lot of work, a lot of time, and a lot of courage. We are still going to have growing pains and I have to realize that we may never see eye to eye.

I am going to remember that being a step-mom is a challenge that can be a tremendous opportunity and blessing. I want to have a real understanding with my husband and my step-child. Our family has to find our own unique balance because we don't all fit into a perfect pattern or mold.

Moncrief Creative

Very Blessed ~ Written in 2007

Another blog that I had written later in 2007. God had really begun to work in my life. It means so much to me to be able to read the things I had written back then. I hope this encourages us all to write. Keeping a journal of your thoughts is such a great way to go back and really see how God works in your life and it is awesome!


Very Blessed
Just sitting here thinking about the direction my life is going and what I have been through in the last year and I have to say that I am very blessed.

Yes, I have been through some tough stuff this year. I have cried many tears, I have wanted to give up and many times I just wanted to run away but God new that through it all I was going to be stronger and more dependent on him.

The thing is, that even when we feel like a failure and when we think that there is noone there, that is when God shows you that you are not alone. He sends the right people into your life at the right time and reminds you that he is still there. That is what happened to me.

I am so thankful for my friends who helped me get through this past year and continue to support me and give me strength through there encouraging words and from there sweet spirits.

During the hardest time in my life God sent to me the most wonderful gift. Straight from heaven is what I like to say because he is a true angel. This man has given me more than I could ever image or dream. I have never been so loved and so cared for in my life. He makes me feel as if I am the only person in the world and loves me unconditionally. I could not have made it during this past year without his love and support.

I am so very blessed and so very thankful for all I have been given. Don't ever take for granted the things in life that God has blessed you with and remember...you are never alone!!!

Reflecting on 2006

This is a blog that I found that I had posted at the beginning of 2007. I was reflecting on what I have been through in 2006. As I am reading this it begin to stir up in me the same feelings and emotions that I felt back at that time. God has begun to show me new things just from this blog that I wrote 3 years ago. He is reminding me of how hard things were at that time. Being a single mom, getting back in the work scene after being a stay at home mom for over 5 years, trying to raise my children the best I could and trying to help them through their struggles of having divorced parents. At the same time learning to cope with feelings of failure, guilt, shame, loneliness and the loss of friendships. 2006 was a very hard and trying time for me and as I look back and see how God has taken care of me and my life, I smile. God has always been on my side and he continues to heal my soul!! God is going to use what I have been through for his glory.

January 01, 2007

A NEW YEAR..A NEW BEGINNING Looking back on the year 2006 I realize all the things that I am grateful for and all that I have been given. I have 2 wonderful children who are the joy of my life. They are God's gift to me. They keep me on my toes and keep a smile on my face. Riley has grown up so much during this last year and has just amazed me at how smart he is. He loves outdoors and sports. As long as he is running he is the happiest kid in the world. Alexa is just your typical girly girl. Loves to pretend and be a princess and loves to play with her dolls and dance with her mommy. As I sit and think about my life in 2006 I wonder what I could have done differently and what I could have changed. I come to realize that I would not change anything. The good times and feelings of happiness will turn to memories and will bring a smile to my face. The hurt, pain, tears and mistakes of the year will only serve to make me stronger. I feel I have accomplished alot during this past year. Going to Angola and having the opportunity to impact a prisioners life and reunite them with their children was a huge blessing for me, but one of my greatest accomplishments is understanding that I have a voice in life. I don't have to sit and be silent. I can make my own choices, decisions and I can be happy and confident with myself. I look forward to the amazing ways God is going to use me this year and the people that I hope to impact in a positive way. During this year I have come across some amazing people. People who have made a huge impact on my life and for them I am so grateful. There are so many that have taught me so much and have given me listening ears, understanding, patience, shoulders to cry on, a kick in the pants when needed, laughter and most important helps put a smile on my face. We should always remember that God determines who walks into our life..its up to you to decide who you let walk away and who you let stay. Always surround yourself with people who lift you up and encourage you. Don't let those who bring you down and discourage you stay in your life. I am anxiously looking forward to this new year and what God is going to do in my life. I have alot of challanges to face this year but I have faith that God will do exactly what he says he will and that is take care of and protect his children. My prayer for us all is that we chose to be happy in this new year we have been given. Happiness is a choice that we have to make. Enjoy life and enjoy the freedom that we have. Look at everyone through God's eyes and don't judge people for their past mistakes. Let go of your anger and bitterness and turn it into forgiveness and love and your year will be blessed beyond measure. Most importantly keep God first in your life and always praise him for what he has given you. This is a new year and a new beginning.... Happy New Year